pray hard

Today is the first day of our event ‘Faces of Malaysia’ and I wasn’t there. After I opened the msn, immediately I received an offline message. Unfortunately, its nothing good. I felt so useless coz I wasn’t there to solve that problem. YH, I know it wasn’t your fault. Other than sending my prayers, I really don’t know what else I can do. I tried to cal him coz I couldn’t wait to find out the progress and problems of that event. I seriously seriously hope that he will pick up my cal but I know it is impossible. What I can do now is to wait, wait till the event is over and give him a buzz. I seriously don’t know and can’t imagine how the evaluation is going to be. No matter what it is, I will still pray hard and hope that event is running well.

i failed to be happeeeee.......

one of the Tuesdays of June, i was trying to fight against my tears..but i failed. i dont know why, while i was carrying a box of books, i suddenly felt so depress, it's like i was lost and trying to find a way out but i cant, i dont know why. i was struggling to get rid of that feeling, the weather made me felt like as if i was in the oven, burning. i forced myself to find a seat in canteen and calm myself down. i tried, i did...and i tried harder but i failed. i want to go home, that's the only thing i wanted to do but i cant cause i need to pass the books to my friend.while i was sitting there alone, i felt like crying and cutting myself so i went to the toilet. i took out my blade and i started to cut, to slash!-- the paper behind the door...i didnt cut myself cause i dont want to have scars and i dont want my family to know about it nor anyone because i refused to be a loser, i always tell myself not to cry, not to cry, no, you cant cry!! eventually, i didnt cut myself but i bite my hands, just add a lil bit more strength, my flesh will come off but as i said, i dont want to have any scars so i repeated bitting and bitting until my tears have disappeared. i was so relieve and happy cause i have finally found a way to release... hmmmm stress? not sure, cause i know, i am not. then, i thought everything's over. actually it's not...not yet...a week later, while i was having dinner with my family, i felt it again, i felt like crying, i felt like bitting myself again but i tried not to think about it and continue with my crab and everything burst out after i finished my assignment. i felt like crying again so i went downstairs and cried, after i am 'done', i went back to my room and tell myself:'i am not crazy, i am not ill, i am not. not not not.' and at the meantime, amanda heard it, she started to ask me what's wrong and then, i cried out loud, i blast out everything.. then i started to hit the wall and i cant stop, cant control myself, then after amanda and jefu consoled me, i stopped gradually and fell into a deep sleep. after i woke up, although i got a panda eyes, the burden that followed me all this while has disappeared and gone...what i want to say is, thanks to my dearest family and i promise i will be happee:)

i am back baCK BACK fr Hong Kong

23rd of may, it is the last day I stay in HK. As usual, I take bus967 to Gam Zhung to meet Jane up. I can't talk because I have a terrible sore throat but undeniable, I sound SEXY hahaha. The most crazy thing is, I have to wear long sleeve while I am surrounded by the stuffy air because I got attacked by…….RASHES after I ate the pizza which served with the beef which is obviously not fresh because I am only allergic to the beef which is not fresh. Anyway, i feel so sad and depressed coz i am going to be seperated from Jane and Morrie. On the 24th of May, Jeje and Jefu send me to the airport. After we had our delicious dim sum breakfast,yum yum…. It's time for me to go to the gate. I never cry because........i know they will miss me more hahaha I know they will feel like there's sumtin missing after I am gone because I am the one who wait at the door whenever they came home, yeah,sounds like a puppy waiting for their master to come home rifgt? but unfortunately, I am worse. I actually look like a maid, I am the one who do all the house chores(yes m’am, yes sir, I am sorry sir)hahahahaa. Ok ok…right.Eventually, I cried, right after I received Jane’s message at night but she’s coming back on Jun so, CRY FOR WHAT?? Hahaha after I came back to Malaysia, I tell myself…NEW SEM, NEW LIFE,AND ENJOY EVERY MIN AND EVERY SEC OF YR LIFE.

formula of solving worry problems.

“How to stop worrying and start living.” This is one of the books that my bro-in law has handed it to me while I was in Hong Kong. “ Finish this book before you go back to Malaysia!!” this is what he ordered me to do, as usual. This book has been put aside until it comes to Friday, I opened it up and started to flip it through, later, I read it with full of concentrations.
“Those who do not know how to fight worry die young.”
Worry, is the most dangerous disease, it can leads us to death, but yet, it can be cured. Undeniable, most of the human-being have been conquered by worries, those who failed to fight against it will die. For those who know how to battle against it will live, happily and freely. There’s one secret recipe which I have found and learnt from this book, this recipe can help to free you from worrying. Just 3 steps, then u can get rid of being worried.
1st step, analyze the situation fearlessly and figured out what was the worst that could possibly happen.
2nd step, after figuring out the worst, accept it.
3rd step, after accepting the worst, improve upon the worst.
Just remember this 3 steps, it can helps you to develop the immunity of fear, no fear, no worry; no worry, everything is possible.
For an instance, Alex, the one who always worried about his financial after the year of 1997. Soon, he was suffering from stomach ulcer. He refused to seek help from doctor because he doesn’t want to accept the truth. He lied on his bed throughout day and night until one day his friend gave him this book, “How to stop worrying and start living.” He has been cured right after then. He followed every steps which has been stated in that book. First of all, he thought of the worst, which is- death. There’s nothing which could be worse than death, so he started to destroy the fear that has been buried in him all this while and he began to accept his illness, he went up to the hospital and get medical help from the doctor, but his disease seemed to get worse after the delay of seeking for medical cure. Then, he said to himself, since I am ready to die, I have got nothing to be feared anymore and I have got nothing to lose. So, he followed every medical prescription which has been given by the doctor, the prescription which included the medicine that helps to cure both his mind and his illness. He lived as if every day is a new life to him, he did what he always wanted to do while he was busy with his business, he decorated his garden, he went to help up in the orphanage houses etc. After his illness was completely cured, his mind was peaceful and he was happy with his life.
Worry doesn’t benefit us, it will only damage us. Live in today, no yesterday and no tomorrow. “today well lived makes every yesterday a dream of happiness and every tomorrow a vision of hope.”

love u...

sometimes it's better for me to love someone by skipping and staying away from the confession part. this is the only way for me to love someone without hurting them, like what i've always did. i love you, what more can i say. it has been quite awhile already since the last time i c u.too bad i cant c u that often, i will only c u when i need help. i cant tell you about this because i dont want to damage the perfect part of you. you are good looking, admittedly, but sometimes i dislike you, cant tell you why. i enjoy this kind of things, silently admiring you, silently....coz i dont want to be with you, its weird but i enjoy this. when i've got nothing to do, i think of you, when i need you, i will start to imagine that as if you are next to me. i love you because you dont treat me like a princess, i hate people tolerate whenever i need fights. thats girl/ lady, always searching for exteremes.perhaps i am the selfish one, i will imagine when i need you and i will forget about you while i dont need you. anyhow,i am not a loser in managing a relationship, i can be smart and successful too when- i found the right one.

HK?? M'sia?? HK?? M'sia??????????

29th of April, yesterday was the first time I left my house alone and took the flight alone to Hong Kong. I don’t mind to be alone frankly haha. Well, I actually cried in the train because of my dad. This trip is actually a last minute confirmation trip so I didn’t have the time and the gut to tell my dad about this but he found out through my mom enentually so he scolded me. Actually I believed he scolded me due to the $$ issue haha oh ya, I cried because I felt bad for not informing him, I believe despite money issue, it is also about the safety problem. My sister and my bro-in-law need to work during weekdays so eventually I need to stay at home all by myself and that’s the reason why I am so free to write this article haha. Staying apart from my second sis-Amanda is quite….hmmm is like missing something but I am NOT lonely AMANDA haha anyway,I will always miss you muaxxx
Actually I would really like to make an apology over here to Rick Lee. I am so sorry that I couldn’t make it to your show. Don’t know why, I felt so useless, I should have just tell Jane that I really really wanted to go to your show but I am GUTLESS, fuck it. I believe that show is going to be fun since I will have zero opportunity to do modeling again because I might be taking my degree in Hong Kong.
I have made this trip and sacrificed the show(this opportunity is quite precious to me cause Rick is the only person who wants me to become his model haha) because I came to HK to do some research on the uni over here. Haih.i have created another problem now, I don’t how am I supposed to tell my dad about this, he is going to be really upset because if I really move away from him, then nobody will play gu-zheng for him anymore… and of coz I don wish to quit playing it….
I love everything around me, I love everyone around me but I am confused, I don’t know whether should I stay in Malaysia or move to HK…part of me feel like going, part of me asking me to stay in M'sia....sigh anyhow, I believe everything is destined, I don’t have the power to rewrite my destiny since it has been written, stated and unchangeable. I am going to stick with the happy life from now on and continue playing with my Mario game TADAAAAAAA.

been forced:(

Well, admittedly, there's one person out there who got a really ‘thick skin’, even bullets also cannot get through haha well she asked me to write a passage about her and 6 other human-beings. Actually, it’s very easy to describe them, especially by using one word-SMART.
They are only smart in one thing, smart in being silly hahaha they are my college mate, classmate (unfortunately) and gang mate as well. Ren never force me to write this passage, no, she never, never. She only used the gun to point at me and ‘remind’ me how lovely she is, how adorable they are etc bla bla bla. She never force me, seriously. Sob sob.
I really have a good time with them, especially when they pinch me, they bully me, I have spent a really good moment with them, I really do..sob sob. I can’t blame them for doing that because I’m too adorable kekekeehahha (see!! That’s the consequence for mixing up with them for too long-- self-praised)
Well, spending time with them is really nice, somehow I feel like reversing to the secondary school life, kind of miss my sec school friends..
This is life, different stages have different companies, it is extremely excited because you have to learn to use different skills to engage with different people..

who is she????

She is my second stupid sis. She got a smaller size(every part of her haha), it’s weird coz she is elder than me. I believe I have soaked up all the proteins that were supposed to be sucked by her haha sometimes I’m jealous!! I was wandering why fats like me more hmm, answerless question haha but sometimes I do believe that God is fair to everyone, He awards you something but somehow He wants you to feel that you are lack of something(so vain haha).
This has proven that no one is perfect but as long as you know how to define “GRATIFICATION” or perhaps “SATISFACTION”, then you will feel that He is fair, He treats you nicely and you will no longer a miserable, lost or depress person.
Back to her, she is an easy-to-please girl, she has a downright adorable personality, a mouth which will never spit out any vulgar languages….oh gosh, MOM, I’m sorry, I lie, forgive me hahahahaha whatever I have mentioned about her, the sweet and generous way to praise her are all FAKE!!!!!
She is an evil keke she got a sweet look, she might tastes as sweet as a candy but you will no longer think the same after knowing her hehe she’s sweet and the sweetness can be really harmful to your tooth!! Haha
To be frank, she is a person who can really see through your heart, she is observant and caring( can’t really praise her, makes me feel sick haha) you will tear open your heart in front of her because you will know that your secrets are safe with her and she can helps you to break your false feeling and make you feel better.
Though she is a bit unbearable, a bit troublesome, a bit slow(mentally and physically), a bit mood swing and so much of a bit bits….she and Jane are still my dearest silly sisssss

bye-bye.....hooooooo

It has been a mess recently but fortunately, I have brought myself back to the origin. The fucking mess has begun right after I got my super duper ‘in’ haircut, that’s pretty disappointed that most of the people weren’t trendy enough to take a really nice look at it haha. Well, because this is Malaysia hehe. Jane(aka stupid sis) has comforted me. She told me many of the girls in Hong Kong had this haircut and it is stylish. Although what she had said never make me feel any better, I would still like to thank her for being there while I felt depressed(so-called) haha the distance have failed to make us apart(love u idiot).
Come to think of it, I was quite stupid for being so desperate for compliments. I live for my own and I stand on my own, why must I care so much about others’ perceptions. As Rick said: as long as you are happy of what you are doing then why must you care about what other people have said about you?? Lick your own ass and stay out of my business!!!
It’s time for me to say bye-bye to my prior attitude and thoughts. Hate the vulnerable me, hate the stupid me……hahaha new year, new hairstyle and new ME!! no doubt about it, dude..

' MODELS' ' MUST READ!!!!!

What the hell is wrong with those people nowadays?! Well, to make it clear, I’m referring this statement to those (self-declare) ‘models’/ so called models..

Admittedly, to be a part of the members of modeling industry is something that would ‘upgrade’ your ‘standard’. Perhaps??? but please please please, I’m begging those people, please stop showing (as if) ‘I’m a model, don’t envy' look.. well, if you think that ‘I have what it takes to become a model’ or ‘I’m eligible to become the wateva country next top model.’ , GO AHEAD!! But please please, I’m begging again, don’t ever say/mention that you are a model until you are loaded with a long job-waiting-list.

“oh. Me? oh I’m a model. Ya ya I’m a model.” Bla bla bla.. this is the most common answer that you will get from those people who like to brag around about their ‘modelling career’. Have you ever noticed that this kind of answer will only be replied by those ‘model’ who only participated in a very least one show and in somewhere that we wouldn’t know and make us doubt whether that place is existed or not?

I’m absolutely not looking down on these people you know. Somehow, I would like to get my ass off from the seat and clap and cheer for them. I adore them. I admire them. Their bravery and their absolute courageous keep on forcing me to fit and squeeze them into my 'role-model’s list' !!! (why squeeze? coz there are too many of them.)

p/s: whatever I have mentioned above is truly just a fair comment. I can defend myself by using Justification if you insist on charging me under the act of Defamation hahahahaha. Like it or not is up to you. Nothing to do with me.You want to read it or not I can’t force you. But I believe you already read it or maybe take a glance of it since you are reading this…..

was wandering about....SEX

Some people declared that sex can be described as a muffin. It looks ordinary but it is magically tasty. SEX?? What’s that? Is it delicious? Is it irresistible? Could it be memorable? Would it be some sort of addiction? One last question.. are you capable enough to bear the consequences, despite of the positive?

Can love breeds without sex? In the other way round, can you make out with somebody who only has the desire of sex towards you instead of the presence of love? Different people have different opinion and comment based on this question and admittedly, their opinion and comment deserved to be respected because everyone has their own point of view that shouldn’t be judged by anyone else.

I believe there are a few questions which will keep on repeating and swirling in some people’s mind which is…..When is the right time for me to let go of my virginity? Is virginity equals to dignity? If I’m so happened to lost my virginity, will I lost my dignity as well? In spite of dignity, will I get pregnant? Hah!! Undoubtedly, this would be the most commonly self-asked question before it comes into consideration about the giving out virginity thingy.

Well, come to think of it, if, I said IF I’m so ‘fortunate’ to get pregnant at this moment, at this golden age, what should I do and what CAN I do?? It is pretty clear that there are only 2 options, (A)-Abortion, (B)-Be a sexy teenage mama…. Finding a way out from these 2 questions is like someone is forcing to choose between burger or french fries when you are on extreme diet.

“Sex is a sensation of excitement.” No doubt about this. It is an excitement, if you don’t abuse it. Undeniable, while i wrote this article, i was asking myself the same questions too hahaha.

first day back in malaysia

3rd of January, today is the first day i woke up and found myself lying on my own bed again. I saw the silver big luggage putting ride beside me and at that moment,I think of Hong Kong.HK is a nice place, i love the environment there because HK got more hotties haha i stayed there for 2 weeks, within the two weeks, i have gained 2 kg!!!!! thanks to my brother-in-law..i struggled, whenever he passed me those delicious food, they look so tempting and dunno why i heard them talking to me, they said sumting like :" eat me, eat ME, EAT ME!!!" in the end, i ate them up hahahahaha yum yum deicious neh:) actually the most ridiculous thing is i have spent my christmas eve and new year eve at home playing scrabble haha but i have to admit that it was fun because of the weather outside there and most importantly, i have spent the most precious moment with the most precious people in my life:)i love u guys muaxxxx:)after being the shopperholic in HK for 2 weeks i have to come back to Malaysia:( i'm kinda sad and scared actually, sad becoz i have to leave HK and my bro-in-law, scared becoz i'm afraid my frens will said :" oh my god, chin chin u gain weight ad!!!" haha but who cares, i have tried a lot of delicious food in HK and is worth for me to sacrifice my weight!!!!