finally gotta face it..

Just received an email from Lingnan, GOT ACCEPTED!! HOORAY!!

After the hooraying, there is one thought weighing me down->how to inform mom, dad, Amanda, and frenzzz.

Especially Amanda, I plan to tell her after this week because we have so many dinners to attend this week, just don’t feel like spoiling her mood and make her think that this is our last dinner, our last moment to be together etc BUT BUT BUT something got into my plan, mummy ‘accidentally’ slipped it off~~

I thought Amanda is so blur and slow and kind of deaf to hear that but today, she is so-damn-not-blur, she heard that and she question me during our pillow talk(I am gonna damn miss it.)

So I have to open up to her....

HERE COMES THE MOMENT!! We hug each other and sob and sob and cry.......

I know her very well, she is afraid of being alone, she needs companion when she catches a movie, when she sing k, when she have her dinner and lunch out and when she sleeps on the king size bed.

Without a doubt, I am the one who make her least lonely, let her do her grumble, her complains and her dissatisfactions. I am going to miss it terribly because when she blasts out everything, her expression and tone and pitch are PRICELESS hahahahaha.

Well, life moves on and on. The Amanda that I know is a lady that will overcome every hindrance in her life. She still has lotta buddies in her life, so many people love her and pamper her. Besides, we are not living in a cave and tree era okie, we have webcam, phone, Internet etc. Nothing’s gonna tear us apart, ah tan!! muaxie muaxx

That night....

She blames me for being selfish;
She blames me for what she has done;
She knows what I hate the most;
but she doesn't know why the scars are here, right here.

I hate the noise that he is making;
I hate the quarrelling and slamming;
I hate the yelling and shouting and;
I wish I was sleeping, deeply.

I know I was avoiding the reality;
I know I was pretending asleep;
and I know the cutting is coming back, to me.

I am not being selfish,
I am just being a coward;
A coward who wish to stay away from the reality;
A coward who wish to stop the quarreling but, couldn’t.

No hostility towards anyone?????????

As a human-being, you can’t expect everyone to like you, it is the same theory as you can’t like everyone.

Do you think that you are an angel with an enormous big heart that everyone will like you or vice versa? Don’t be silly.

People who said they have no enmity towards anyone have 2 reasons. First, they got a damn high EQ. Second, they are hiding their own true feeling. No matter which reason it is, they are hell good in coping with this reality.

We can’t deny that this is the way we survive in this contemporary world. We have to design different masks each and every time we walk out from the house to handle different kind of people. Do you still think that those people who speak without thinking or they said something without making observation are adorable and cuuuuttteee like what have shown on the TV? Ha ha ha…veli da funny.

Yup, perhaps you don’t need to take any precautions while talking to these people because they think and speak at the same time, they hide nothing from you and don’t need to squeeze your brain juice just to figure out what are the hints lying upon their words. WooaaawWW that’s the great one, the only. Of course they can survive but they will face more difficulties than those who speak after they think, frankly.

As a PR, we are taught not to raise conflict, not to exaggerate difficulties, not to offend and not to leave the negative matter hanging. We learn to mind our words, we learn to govern our temper & we learn to looove others, which is the real hard one but we can do it, you just need 2 weapons-smiiille & high EQ.

Incredibly high EQ is definitely the best weapon. The best spokesperson is whoooo?? Lin Chi Ling lo-the man’s angel. You can choose not to fall for her super duper sweet voice but you can’t deny that she got an awesome EQ. She never shows her temper (in front of the public), she never fight back the negative rumours, wait…….she did but in a very EQ way. That’s the virtue of her.

No matter what it is, as a lady, we should not throw temper in front of others. Don’t let yourselves blown off in front of others. If really cannot stand it, walk away. I personally feel that this is as hard as to solve this math-Yd(JSDJ-KDKS)x(sjdjsk+JNSAN)=??. Can you imagine that when someone mock you and you just walk away as if they were right about you? NO WAY. If that really happen to me!!!!!!, tell ya what, I WILLLLLL LLL DEFINITELY walk awayyyyy. Opps. Sometimes when you fight back, those people will think ‘oh, deny=admit.’ But when you just walk away, you are not fulfilling their ‘needs’, ‘desire’ and ‘SATISFACTION’!! They wish you will get pissed off but you didn’t. This indicates that you are actually sending out signals that ‘I’ll remain silent, sry to disappoint you, you LOSER.’

Really, sometimes is hard for you to just walk away and let them continue but you just have to learn it. It is good for your health somehow. By the way, have you come across with this sentence before?

‘Remain Silent is a Virtue.’

pray hard

Today is the first day of our event ‘Faces of Malaysia’ and I wasn’t there. After I opened the msn, immediately I received an offline message. Unfortunately, its nothing good. I felt so useless coz I wasn’t there to solve that problem. YH, I know it wasn’t your fault. Other than sending my prayers, I really don’t know what else I can do. I tried to cal him coz I couldn’t wait to find out the progress and problems of that event. I seriously seriously hope that he will pick up my cal but I know it is impossible. What I can do now is to wait, wait till the event is over and give him a buzz. I seriously don’t know and can’t imagine how the evaluation is going to be. No matter what it is, I will still pray hard and hope that event is running well.

i failed to be happeeeee.......

one of the Tuesdays of June, i was trying to fight against my tears..but i failed. i dont know why, while i was carrying a box of books, i suddenly felt so depress, it's like i was lost and trying to find a way out but i cant, i dont know why. i was struggling to get rid of that feeling, the weather made me felt like as if i was in the oven, burning. i forced myself to find a seat in canteen and calm myself down. i tried, i did...and i tried harder but i failed. i want to go home, that's the only thing i wanted to do but i cant cause i need to pass the books to my friend.while i was sitting there alone, i felt like crying and cutting myself so i went to the toilet. i took out my blade and i started to cut, to slash!-- the paper behind the door...i didnt cut myself cause i dont want to have scars and i dont want my family to know about it nor anyone because i refused to be a loser, i always tell myself not to cry, not to cry, no, you cant cry!! eventually, i didnt cut myself but i bite my hands, just add a lil bit more strength, my flesh will come off but as i said, i dont want to have any scars so i repeated bitting and bitting until my tears have disappeared. i was so relieve and happy cause i have finally found a way to release... hmmmm stress? not sure, cause i know, i am not. then, i thought everything's over. actually it's not...not yet...a week later, while i was having dinner with my family, i felt it again, i felt like crying, i felt like bitting myself again but i tried not to think about it and continue with my crab and everything burst out after i finished my assignment. i felt like crying again so i went downstairs and cried, after i am 'done', i went back to my room and tell myself:'i am not crazy, i am not ill, i am not. not not not.' and at the meantime, amanda heard it, she started to ask me what's wrong and then, i cried out loud, i blast out everything.. then i started to hit the wall and i cant stop, cant control myself, then after amanda and jefu consoled me, i stopped gradually and fell into a deep sleep. after i woke up, although i got a panda eyes, the burden that followed me all this while has disappeared and gone...what i want to say is, thanks to my dearest family and i promise i will be happee:)

i am back baCK BACK fr Hong Kong

23rd of may, it is the last day I stay in HK. As usual, I take bus967 to Gam Zhung to meet Jane up. I can't talk because I have a terrible sore throat but undeniable, I sound SEXY hahaha. The most crazy thing is, I have to wear long sleeve while I am surrounded by the stuffy air because I got attacked by…….RASHES after I ate the pizza which served with the beef which is obviously not fresh because I am only allergic to the beef which is not fresh. Anyway, i feel so sad and depressed coz i am going to be seperated from Jane and Morrie. On the 24th of May, Jeje and Jefu send me to the airport. After we had our delicious dim sum breakfast,yum yum…. It's time for me to go to the gate. I never cry because........i know they will miss me more hahaha I know they will feel like there's sumtin missing after I am gone because I am the one who wait at the door whenever they came home, yeah,sounds like a puppy waiting for their master to come home rifgt? but unfortunately, I am worse. I actually look like a maid, I am the one who do all the house chores(yes m’am, yes sir, I am sorry sir)hahahahaa. Ok ok…right.Eventually, I cried, right after I received Jane’s message at night but she’s coming back on Jun so, CRY FOR WHAT?? Hahaha after I came back to Malaysia, I tell myself…NEW SEM, NEW LIFE,AND ENJOY EVERY MIN AND EVERY SEC OF YR LIFE.

formula of solving worry problems.

“How to stop worrying and start living.” This is one of the books that my bro-in law has handed it to me while I was in Hong Kong. “ Finish this book before you go back to Malaysia!!” this is what he ordered me to do, as usual. This book has been put aside until it comes to Friday, I opened it up and started to flip it through, later, I read it with full of concentrations.
“Those who do not know how to fight worry die young.”
Worry, is the most dangerous disease, it can leads us to death, but yet, it can be cured. Undeniable, most of the human-being have been conquered by worries, those who failed to fight against it will die. For those who know how to battle against it will live, happily and freely. There’s one secret recipe which I have found and learnt from this book, this recipe can help to free you from worrying. Just 3 steps, then u can get rid of being worried.
1st step, analyze the situation fearlessly and figured out what was the worst that could possibly happen.
2nd step, after figuring out the worst, accept it.
3rd step, after accepting the worst, improve upon the worst.
Just remember this 3 steps, it can helps you to develop the immunity of fear, no fear, no worry; no worry, everything is possible.
For an instance, Alex, the one who always worried about his financial after the year of 1997. Soon, he was suffering from stomach ulcer. He refused to seek help from doctor because he doesn’t want to accept the truth. He lied on his bed throughout day and night until one day his friend gave him this book, “How to stop worrying and start living.” He has been cured right after then. He followed every steps which has been stated in that book. First of all, he thought of the worst, which is- death. There’s nothing which could be worse than death, so he started to destroy the fear that has been buried in him all this while and he began to accept his illness, he went up to the hospital and get medical help from the doctor, but his disease seemed to get worse after the delay of seeking for medical cure. Then, he said to himself, since I am ready to die, I have got nothing to be feared anymore and I have got nothing to lose. So, he followed every medical prescription which has been given by the doctor, the prescription which included the medicine that helps to cure both his mind and his illness. He lived as if every day is a new life to him, he did what he always wanted to do while he was busy with his business, he decorated his garden, he went to help up in the orphanage houses etc. After his illness was completely cured, his mind was peaceful and he was happy with his life.
Worry doesn’t benefit us, it will only damage us. Live in today, no yesterday and no tomorrow. “today well lived makes every yesterday a dream of happiness and every tomorrow a vision of hope.”